Kelly McClain







DECEMBER BITCHSCOPES

Welcome to the last month of a very strange year.  I’m not sure where all those days went, but they went, nonetheless.  I accomplished a lot, and I’m sure you did also. But it was NOT easy.  2019 wasn’t quite the blender that 2018 was, but it also wasn’t a walk in the park.  It was more of a hike through mud. We’ve cleared a lot of crap out of our closets and healed a lot of old stuff. What’s next?  

This month starts off with what I consider to be a big, fantastic deal.  I get very excited when Jupiter changes signs, which happens once a year.  Jupiter has been in Sagittarius since November of 2018, and while she’s at home in that sign, I have to say, it didn’t feel all that fabulous to me.  Maybe because I’m not a sagittarius…? She transitions into Capricorn on December 2nd to connect with Pluto and Saturn. This is like being the bubbly girl at a business dinner.  She will lighten the energy of all that Capricorn a bit, but Saturn and Pluto will restrain her optimism a tad. You will very likely notice a shift. It could feel like a shift from optimism to ideals, or from philosophy and beliefs to practical goals, or from spending and excessive whatever to saving and conservative planning.  Capricorn (and its ruling planet, Saturn) gets a bad rap but try to have an open mind. It is a very grounded, somewhat serious energy, but it is not without its sense of humor. I think of it as a very wise uncle with a fascinating and difficult life story who has a dry sense of humor that is sometimes hard to read, and may be a little dark at times.  But when you get it, you get it, and it’s very valuable. And then he becomes your favorite, strange uncle who you know is always there for you.

There’s a solar eclipse in Capricorn on December 25th as well, underscoring all of these things. This could point to some interesting political developments (what’s new?!)  But on a personal level, this partial eclipse is very positive because it dances with Jupiter and Uranus, perhaps bringing unexpected luck. The possibilities are all lined up and waiting for Fate to pick them out. (I am reminded of the scene in A Chorus Line...God I hope I get it…but instead of YOU wishing you got “the part”, it is the possibilities, ready to knock your socks off!)

It seems to me there’s an interesting amount of Neptunian energy in December.  So things may not be crystal clear, but creativity, art, and sensitivity will be very high.  Not a great time to try to solve decades old family quarrels, but a time to lean into things that feel beautiful to your soul. It might be music, art, creating those yourself, even cooking.  Dance. Feel. And it may not be clear what your feelings are or what they mean, but try to let them wash over you. Imagine you’re standing on the beach and the waves are just lapping at your feet.  It might feel cold, or warm. The sand underneath you will shift. It might just lick your toes, or it might come up to your shins once in awhile. This is your emotions, and it is safe to feel them.   


Also catching my attention are Venus and Mercury.  Venus makes some challenging aspects to some of the heavy hitters, so you may feel unsure about yourself and where you fit in to partnerships. Mercury asks you to hold your tongue just a bit longer. The very end of the month and into January, communication will be easier. Less is more right now. 

ARIES - You will find yourself almost entirely focused on career for the next while. Later in the month, just in time for Christmas, you’ll feel a bit more ready to socialize. Even if you felt the pressure to mingle early in the month, it just added stress to your schedule. But it will be a welcome chance to shine when it arrives. If you aren’t focused on career for the first ⅔ of the month, but instead on relationships,  be very cognizant about that tingle in your gut. Is it a red flag or butterflies? Be aware of where you spend your energy. You will feel zippy at the beginning of the month, but that last ⅓ could wear you out. Use your resources wisely. 

TAURUS - December could be steamy for you. New relationships will likely take on a more intimate vibe, and established relationships will crave more intimacy.  But with all this ahem, activity, don’t leave your professional tasks out of the mix. You know that authority issue that comes up for you at work? Well it’s coming up. This time, however, whatever your first impulse is, do the other thing.  Which is to say, let’s see if we can help you not make the same mistake you’ve made in the past. Your challenge this month might be in exercising restraint. And its Christmas season so that just seems cruel, doesn’t it? You can do it! 

GEMINI - There’s some emotional intensity afoot for you in December.  Intimacy of all kinds is up for examination and the eclipse isn’t going to let you skim the surface. You’ll be “asked” (which is a nice way of saying the Universe is phrasing it as a statement, not a question) to go deep but to also honor your intuition. It might be easier said than done because there’s likely to be some external noise.  There’s good news though. Financial support, new job opportunities, and travel are all possible this month. The temptation to go all out will be difficult to resist, but try to keep a grip on your budget. Going overboard in intimacy will be tempting as well. Create a space for yourself to reflect in solititude on a regular basis.

CANCER -  Your partnerships, both professional and personal, are on stage this month.  Close relationships that have been struggling have a chance for clarity and long term goal-setting this month. There’s a strong focus on office life, if you’re employed.   At work, a curve ball or shift in team line-ups might encourage you to tighten up your ship and do things more efficiently. Listen to your body and don’t push yourself too hard this month. You’ve been doing that for a couple months now already, so downshift and just do what has to be done in the most efficient way possible. Time and money management are the keys to peace this month. 

LEO - Romance is a focal point this month. You are both charismatic and seductive, and at this time, somewhat easily seduced.  Keep your wits about you when that very noticable someone shows up on the scene. Married Leos will enjoy a rekindling or a reconnection of intimacy.   The creative vibes spill over into the career areas of life as well, and come January you could be the recipient of an opportunity, extra money, or a re-launch of something that didn’t quite take off.  Don’t think in terms of big moves - look at the big picture and plot the small moves. 

VIRGO -  Well, seems the Prince or Princess may have arrived at the ball.  Key word is “seems”. Give yourself time to evaluate things before you jump in the deep end, or the sack.  But do enjoy the power of seduction! You’ll be feeling much braver than you have in awhile. Established partnerships can experience a definite uptick in the fun department, which will give you some much needed new life.  It also looks like something you do as a hobby or for fun (definitely outside of your career) could earn you some extra recognition or cash. Fun is just your focus this month, and yay for you!

LIBRA - Family is your primary focus right now (and probably usually). At the beginning of the month, your close, personal relationships will  feel supportive and balanced. One of your tasks this month is to find a balance between your career life and your home life. Later in the month, you may feel less secure and sure, but do not panic.  The train is still on the track, and some self correcting is happening. You may be ready to make some changes and the eclipse might assist you with that - it is positive stuff! By the end of the month, you’ll be ready to embrace new beeginnings. 

 SCORPIO - Communication is up for examination for you, particularly in close, intimate relationships.  You can expect real progress in troubled areas of relationships if you can practice listening. Your career will benefit from improved communication energy as well.  The solar eclipse on Christmas underscores the potential for positive changes in this area as well. It may not be exactly a relaxing month, but if you put in the work, it can be a very productive month.  

SAGITTARIUS - You should be feeling much more confident this month. And your parnter, if you have one, will be happy about it because you are likely to be more focused on their needs as well.  Secret relationships are also possible during this time, but this Bitch would advise against that, of course. If you’re entangled in such a thing, this month will prove productive for exiting it if you make that choice (make that choice!)   Watch your dollars this month and don’t go overboard. The eclipse on Christmas could spark some changes, which will be for the better, but adjustment isn’t always your strong suit.

CAPRICORN - well just when I’d like to tell you Cappies are getting a break...you could be feeling an existential crisis brewing. It isn’t a time to focus on relationships per se, but you may find yourself tempted by the devil you know, for comfort.  Let me just remind you that breakups happen for reasons, and often good ones so...stay the course Cap. ha. See what I did there? . The eclipse on Christmas is in your sign, and will help you redefine yourself without the influence of others. Meaning, who are you, when you are by yourself?  Work may have some speed bumps too, but resolution is also going to show up to the party. You of all people should try to relax and engage in self care this month. Some Caps may not even notice the bumps because you’re tough as nails. Come February, you’ll probably have some insight/hindsight and a lightbulb moment.  

AQUARIUS - This month could be pretty social for you.  And some connections with friends can lead to progress in career and money issues.  But the theme of December for you is mostly insight into obstacles that live in your shadow. But just because you haven’t been able to see them, doesn’t mean they aren’t actively holding you back.  Personally you could realize some of your potential that you were unaware of, and with that comes the awareness of how you may have been in your own way. Your career life stands to gain some momentum with the eclipse on Christmas Day.  Your intimate relationships can also improve or be renewed this month. It’s all about a renewed belief in your self and those in your inner circle. 

PISCES - December is filled with opportunities that come from your circle of friends.  Romantically, things cool off a bit and the energy favors platonic relationships. But later this month there is a possibility for friends to become something more.  There’s no sense worrying about it because you’ll probably be surprised anyway. Your social circle can also offer you some opportunities in career advancement. Work may not be fun right now, but a way forward is already forming thanks to your personal connections.  


 

NOVEMBER BITCHSCOPES


Even though Mercury retrogrades in the depths of Scorpio for over half of November, this month screams potential.  There is a lot of energy ripe for making your dreams come true or setting long term goals to pave the road for your dreams.  This month feels fairly gentle and sensitive as we transition from excavating inside ourselves into exploring outside ourselves. We are more prepared for relationship and positive interactions now. The Full Moon on the 12th occurs in the sign of Taurus, which asks us to pay attention to the physical and our own senses and needs. Taurus is also stubborn, of course. But being a little selfish is not bad for the moment, and feels necessary. This month’s energy, overall, is pretty sweet.  Forwarned is forearmed, however. Later in the month there could be some chaotic disruption leading into the New Moon. This new moon also asks us to expand our horizons and open our minds. Be adventurous and confident. 

Mercury and Neptune both turn direct later in the month and bring with them clarity about our emotions, and the illusions we’ve held.  Creativity will be high by month end. 

As cliche as it may be, and I have my feelings about the manufactured gratitude that some people peddle, this month is the perfect time to focus on what you are thankful for. Not only because of Thanksgiving, but because we are deep in Mercury retrograde in Scorpio this month. Scorpio energy can be heavy and drag some things to the surface. Gratitude will help keep things light.  


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ARIES - You have stepped badassily into a new reality for yourself, Aries. Congratulations. But you’re probably exhausted as well.  Try to pay attention to the little things that show up to help you, whether they are people, parking spots, or pauses in the chaos.  There may also be something nagging at you that you thought was resolved that appears to not be. *cough cough Mercury retrograde* Make sure you cross your T’s and dot your I’s legally and financially because it will save you stress down the road. No shortcuts. No cutting.  No takesies. 

TAURUS - I know you have 2 speeds but you need to find that middle one right now.  Life is busy, but self care is the order of the month. REAL self care, not just indulging in the oreos and chai tea soy wax candles on sale.  Sleep. Nutrition. Nurturing. During Mercury retrograde you need to observe your daily routine and see if it really feeds you, or drains you.  Mercury in Scorpio is very likely to highlight some of your less healthy habits and tendencies. Rather than fight it, try to take it in and benefit from it.  This month, make a concerted effort to spend quality time with those closest to you.  

GEMINI -  This month your mission, should you choose to accept it (I recommend saying yes), is to keep your reactions on the low side of the “losing my shit” scale.  Stay out of the red zone. Pull back, think, consider, rethink what you want to say and say about half of that. With less adjectives. Because I know you love adjectives.  Less is more this month. And if and when you are faced with a choice later this month, choose the path of least drama. If you have earth in your chart or your friends circle, lean into that energy.  This is a great month for you to ground, tree-hug, hike, and breathe deeply. You will have many, many opportunities in the future to make that well crafted, sharp tongued point you are dying to make. Blink, swallow, breathe. 

CANCER - Well there’s no getting around it, all this extra intense water energy will definitely turn your emotions up.  You may find yourself getting slightly offended, or it may just be that other people’s integrity does not match up with yours and you find it distasteful.  Take all that emotion and channel it into some work. I feel some kind of craft or art figuring heavily into your schedule this month. And there’s a very good liklihood that your income will benefit from what you use as self-therapy. Everyone wins! Say yes to new opportunities, and no to emotional manipulation this month. 

LEO - You may be outwardly quiet, but your creative energy is probably high this month.  What Scorpio is to water, you are to Fire, and the depths of this energy are not dampening your spirit one bit.  While you may be contemplating some deep emotioans, it won’t stop you from shining, socially. When not the star of the evening, you may be treading some deep water. Perhaps some childhood pain you really thought you’d dealt with, or a relationship that you closed a door on manages to creak open.  Whatever it is it will drag some deep emotions to the surface. Use one of your many creative outlets to vent this energy off, but don’t ignore it.  

VIRGO - If you are looking for a deeper meaning or purpose in life, which you always are, it may show up this month in the form of a club or organization of some sort.  Don’t do your typical thing and overthink it to death. Just go. You don’t have to commit yet. And let go of your fears about other people’s opinions. Do be sincere and authentic, however.  Your warrior facade won’t get you where you need to be. In fact, that tough exterior will just be in your way this month. One or more relationships has the potential to be transformed soon, mostly by a change in how you see these people.  That change can’t happen if you are armored to the gills. Stay open is your mantra this month. 

LIBRA - You’ve been working a lot, and probably over giving as you tend to do.  And October may have had you feeling a little bit defeated in the area of Career. But you should be feeling an overall uptick in your confidence, security and sense of self this month.  Clarity about situations that have been bugging you will arrive later this month. You may be surprised about someone’s depth. There are a couple of harder conversations that may pop up this month, probably with family.  You are more than capable of handling these as they arise. But remember, when faced with a choice, choose you. Every.time.

SCORPIO - Well it may be no surprise that with Mercury chest deep in your sign, communication will be highlighted for you.  Understanding is yours for the taking. That may come in the form of understanding yourself. You are the master of hiding things, even from your own self. We all do this, it just happens to be one of your more natural gifts of self protection.  However in this retrograde, it will be hard to keep some of your less proud moments in the dark where you’d like them. So you may as well get honest with yourself and own up to where you may have wronged people once close to you. 

SAGITTARIUS - If you’ve been a little defensive and suspicious lately, you may want to take a deep breath.  The people closest to you are also the people you feel safest to be pissy with, but it doesn’t go unnoticed and it does cause hurt feelings.  You, the truth-at-any-cost sign, might not care too much about “hurt feelings” but they are real and they build up and eventually affect relationships of all kinds.  In good news, travel is definitely up for you this month, even if its a short trip for some fun. You’ve been working ridiculously hard and you’ve more than earned a break.  

CAPRICORN  - Well...do you feel productive yet? Do you feel successful yet? Are we there yet?!  Probably not. You will never be truly satisfied with anything less than world domination so you may as well chill out for a couple weeks   I know you think this year hasn’t been very “productive”, but so many stepping stones have been laid down on your path. Those are not the same as “Welcome to the summit of  HERE” moments that you love so much, but they are every bit as important. This month you really need to give youself a little credit for ...well a lot of things. Try to get out into nature a bit, slow down and breathe a little deeper and slower.  2020 is waiting for you to kick its ass so just take these last couple months to be with family and friends. (isn’t it so cute that I think you might take this advice?)

AQUARIUS - You feel angry.  Bitter. Resentful. Always carrying everyone else’s water and never getting any help with your own buckets.  But have you failed to notice when someone has offered to help you because it wasn’t up to your standards? Have you noticed that you’ve nailed your left hand to the cross? So how are you gonna get that right hand nailed up there? Well you could ask for help. OR you could give up the martyr  crown all together. All Aquarians have several of these crowns, in various colors and styles. One for every occasion. Mercury retrograde might be a nice time to examine this fashion accessory and question how often you wear it. Side effects of going in the world without headdress: peace, tranquility, acceptance...

PISCES - You’re probably feel very sensitive, maybe even a little triggered. There’s a lot of water in the collective right now, and you have no where to hide, or so it seems.  When feeling everything gets overwhelming, you should a) ground ground ground and b) consider the opposite of what you tend to do which is cocoon. There can be a strange solace in crowds, where you can just be in the ocean and not have to identify each drop.  Your family is probably a strong source of support for you when you feel “touched out”. Lean into them, as well as the notion of play. You need more than the average fish, so schedule some into your every single day. Embodiment and sensory input will be really good for you too.  Damn, I’m gonna be a fish this month: get a massage, eat good food, play with crayons...